Gardening and the coming Zombie Apocalypse

Today is my day to dig potatoes in my garden. I garden mostly in raised beds (saves a lot of back strain) and I had an interesting phenomenon this year. I have one bed completely devoted to potatoes, and that’s all I planted here, yet somehow I had a tomato invasion of this bed. Not just one, or a few plants, but probably a dozen. And they are producing tomatoes.

Thus my quandary. Do I take the chance of the potatoes rotting and wait until the tomatoes ripen, or do I pull the invading plants (I have plenty of tomatoes in another bed) and dig my potatoes today?

Then it hit me. The tomatoes were like an invasion force of zombies, rising from the dead and pushing themselves out of the ground to try and claim my potato bed for their own. Left to their own devices these Zombie tomatoes would suck the brains from my potatoes if I didn’t intercede. I am the ZOMBIE HUNTER!

[Yes, this is the way my brain works.]

I have selected a few tomatoes, who will live on as research subjects. Notice in the picture below that they survive on the edges of society, and thus can be contained:

Okay, so here’s where things get even stranger. As I’m digging I start to wonder why I garden at all. When I think about the cost of potatoes in the grocery store and compare that with the amount of work it takes to actually produce them myself, I can’t see the trade off.

Then it hits me!

I garden because of the coming ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

You see…I don’t own a gun, and have little experience shooting one. As society breaks down I will need skills to survive. The guys with the guns will be way ahead of the game. We’re going to need them to shoot the zombies and hunt stray cows and deer for food. My place in the new society will be a humble one. I will have this one skill that makes me somewhat valuable. I can provide the potatoes (also some beans and carrots).

As we fight back the zombie scourge I will be fearlessly watering and weeding. A humble hero in a dark, dangerous world.

So, as you’re boarding up the Walmart while the parking lot fills with Zombies, don’t be looking for me to help. I’ll be the guy up on the roof…planting potatoes. It’s my job!

Until next time…if there IS a next time…


4 thoughts on “Gardening and the coming Zombie Apocalypse

  1. Oh my you really just made my day there Steve. And I will remember you when the ZA comes. I will be at your front door. I don’t garden, but in my house we own several guns. Soo it could be a trade off. Plus i know 2 or three guys who I can get a nice big awmy tank to use. 🙂 So don’t kick me off your doorstep.

  2. Pingback: A new weapon in the war against the rampaging, mindless undead. | A Writer's Haven

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